17-year-old claims stepdad, James, isn’t her “real” dad in front of the whole family, her mom forces her to apologize to him: “James just mopes around now”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jul 18, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Our relationship to our parents can't be exchanged with anything else in life. Even if our mother is a narcissist, selfish, petty, controlling, or patronizing, we still love her, and in the back of our hearts we always hope that she has will love us back unconditionally one day. And even if our dad is neglectful, abandoning, and the scum of the earth type of father, we also just want his love and appreciation at the end of the day. It's completely biological to be so coveting of love from our parents. When we don't have it, we start forming unhealthy attachments to other things sometimes. 
 

In the story below, the protagonist is a teenage girl who never got to know her birth father. But solely because he is her birth father, she's drawn to him and will constantly consider him her father, rather than try to replace him with someone else. Read the full story below for all the juicy details. 

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  • 01

    AITA for saying my mom's husband isn't my dad and saying I never got to meet my dad?

    "It's so hurtful to be rejected as dad”
    via Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My dad d d when my mom was pregnant with me (17f). She told me about him growing up and we have little traditions we keep to honor him and she also named
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  • 03
    honor him and she also named me the name he wanted for a daughter. I always spent time with my dad's family in the
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  • 04
    summer and they'd travel to see me or we'd travel to see them when we could. So even though I never got to meet him I still consider him my dad, you know?
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  • 05
    When I was 13 she introduced me to James and they got married when I was 14. To me James is my mom's husband but I guess he sees me as his daughter and he's
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  • 06
    been hurt for years that I call him James, that I never gave him a dad-like nickname or title. I didn't know about it until we went on vacation last month. My mom.
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  • 07
    and James met this couple and we had dinner with their family. I was talking to their two kids who were pretty close in age to me and they asked why I called him James and wasn't he my de d
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    Cheezburger Image 10530724096
    via JillWellington from pixabay / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    and I said he's not my dad he's married to my mom. They asked what happened to my dad and I told him I never got to meet my
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  • 10
    dad because he d d while my mom was pregnant with me. We talked about other things.
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  • 11
    But when we got back to the resort my mom pulled me into my room and asked me why I'd say that stuff at dinner. I had to ask her what she meant because I had no idea what was going on.
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  • 12
    She said James' face when I said he wasn't my dad and when I told those kids I never got to meet my dad was heartbreaking. She told me he's been waiting for me to
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  • 13
    acknowledge him as the dad in my life and I never do. I told her he's not though. She said I might have been 13 when I met him but it shouldn't stop me from letting
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  • 14
    him be the dad who gets to be here for everything. She said as much as she misses dad she didn't ever want me to deny myself the chance to have one.
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    And I told her I wasn't denying myself anything. Mom got frustrated and left.
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  • 16
    Then after we got back from vacation mom and James pulled me into a meeting and James told me how much he'd love to be more to me than James and how
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  • 17
    hurtful it was to be rejected as dad even to strangers who could've easily been led to believe that he was my dad. They said I don't need to always say
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  • 18
    Cheezburger Image 10530724608
    via studioroman / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 19
    he's not or that my dad dad. I told him I was sorry that my words hurt his feelings and my mom said that wasn't a good apology and that it didn't sound
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  • 20
    like I was sorry I said those things. I said no, because James isn't my dad and I never got to meet dad.
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  • 21
    Ever since that afternoon mom's talked to me about it 5 different times and James mopes whenever I'm around. Mom said it really is hurtful to him. AITA?
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  • 22
    sfrancisch5842 • 14h ago NTA. At the end of the day, he is not Your father. Period. You met him when you were 13. Old enough to know that he's not your father. And he didn't really play a fatherly role in your life.
    via u/sfrancisch5842
  • 23
    He married your mom. He had no part in you. That's a stepdad.
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  • 24
    You are allowed to feel the way you feel. As adults... your mom is failing you.
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